BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED IN THE SUMMER, AUSTIN MAHONE RELEASES "DIRTY WORK"

Austin Hothone is joining the immense amount of young singers releasing slutty jams this summer. "Dirty Work" has a Justin Timberlake vibe to it that I'm really digging. It's got a sick beat, my hips, my damn hips don't lie! He tells his girl to "stop messing with Mr. Clean"... I don't think that company is going to like that line very much... #butthatsnoneofhisbusiness

JASON DERULES THE TOP 10 RELEASES YET ANOTHER SMASH "CHEYENNE", BUT REFUSES TO LET "GET UGLY" HAVE ITS' WELL DESERVED MOMENT

*Waiting for you to give him that Pop throne, Ursher who?*

If you had told me Jason Derulo was going to be this Top 10 king, I would have laughed at your face. However, things do change and he finally got some good writers and producers. "Everything is 4" is an iconic album full of amazing tunes. "Cheyenne" is one of the standout tracks. Don't ask me what the song is about, though because I have absolutely no idea. The only thing I take from the song is that he never meant to fall in love and Cheyenne, but you know what? When your song is as great as this and the beat is amazing who cares if people don't know what you're singing about. Get them royalties, girl.

DEMI LOVATO CHOOSES TO BE KINDA LESBIAN FOR HER COMEBACK SINGLE "COOL FOR THE SUMMER"

It must be hard being Demi Lovato. She's so confused in life. Years ago she was talking about how she wanted to make quality music and how she didn't want to be slutty or whatever. She even went as far as throwing shade at Miley for being the liberated independent woman that she is. I mean people change, but damn... "Cool For The Summer" is light years away from that little girl. The song is just as confused as she is. It's like pop, rock, and some of that generic genre Max Martin makes.

"Cool For The Summer" is actually an amazing song. As confused as the beat is, it actually really works. She starts the song with "Tell me what you want, what you like. It's ok. I'm a little curious, too." Ok Demi, talk to me about that lesbian kiss. "Tell me if it's wrong, if it's right..." I see your insecurities and raise you 100. She then tells her lady friend to not "tell her mother" to "kiss one another" oh and also drops a hint at the termination of their fling "we're cool for the summer", winter, idk homechild, we'll see.

SELENA GOMEZ RELEASES BREATHEY-NARRATED MASTERPIECE "GOOD FOR YOU" WITH SOME RAPPER. FORCES ME OUT OF RETIREMENT

If you know me, you know I love me some Selena Gomez. She's my favorite Disney star and thankfully she continues to release great music. "Good For You" is one of the sexiest tunes Selena has released in years. "Good For You" is like the evil, thot twin of "Come & Get It" If "Come & Get It" was slutty, "Good For You" kicks it in the face and then takes its' significant other. Song be cruel and boss like that.

T-ARA RANT: WHY DOES SOYEON GET THE MOST LINES, WHEN SHE CAN SING LIVE AS LITTLE AS QRI?

I love T-Ara and I love their comeback single "Number 9", but as time goes on, I keep having this frustration with whoever the line arranger is. Soyeon is by no means the strongest vocalist in the group but somehow she gets the most lines... ever. More than Eunjung and Hyomin who are far better vocalists than her, heck even Boram is kicking everyone's ass in that department with her flawless vocals and raps.

LANA DEL FLOP AKA LANA DEL SLAY AKA LANA DEL US TOP TEN QUEEN IS COMING FOR THAT #1!

She ain't no flop no more! The now Queen of US Top 40 radio and soon to be Queen of this mother fucking world has finally entered my body and soul. It only took me five beers and a really shitty mood to appreciate the wonders of this talented, amazing, natural beauty.

I sound like a delusional stan on purpose by the way. Even if my sentences come off as mocking, I ironically say them but actually mean them. I was drunk as fuck one night and I was looking at some of her performances because I was feeling like hating on someone and then I saw this video of her meeting these Australian fans. She is soooooooo down to earth, her natural lips may never come down to her face again but her attitude, omg she's amazing. She was cute, and thankful and just genuine. Put her in a sheesh kabob and feed me her for dinner. I would eat that up in a second.

G-DRAGON BECOMES THE LIL' WAYNE OF SOUTH KOREA, UGH!

G-Dragon could not let Seung Ri have his 10 seconds of fame. The devil of KPop came back this week with some hot ass mess of a three part EP shit. He has a song with Missy Elliot, Sky Ferreira, some girl named Jenny... I don't know I can't keep track. All I know is that I'm sick of him and he hasn't even debuted on variety shows.

TEEN TOP COMEBACK TRACK "ROCKING" IS DESTROYING EVERY KPOP STAR RIGHT NOW!

Teen Top are back and catchier than ever! The boys have ditched their vocals, their manly theme, their boyish theme, their lyrics, their everything... and it's the best thing they have ever decided to do! After many attempts at proving to be more than just a cute group, the holy fivesome came back last week with the addictive and super repetitive title track "Rocking"... and they already won their first KPOP trophy! When will your faves?

ARIANA GRANDE LOOKS ALL SORTS OF HOT IN "BABY I" MUSIC VIDEO!

Ariana Grande is set to destroy every other pop star in the planet this week when her fantastic debut album "Yours Truly"comes out. The already iconic debut album (that brought us the irresistible "The Way") is set to break all first week sales by a Disney / Nickelodeon star and not to mention a couple of singles-artist, album flop bitches.

"Baby I" sees her in a cute girl-next-door type of scenario. She's being cute on top of a car, she's being cute dancing with some hot guys around her, she's being cute trying to get down and durty. She's being cute. But also, the soon to be singer of the 21st Century, brought some sexy meat to this picnic. She's seen in really tight and small shorts and shirts. 

SELENA GOMEZ "LOVE WILL REMEMBER" IS FLAWLESS!

Selena Gomez is not playing games this time around. After ditching her "Scene" band and blossoming into the Pop Princess she was always destined to be, every single song has been perfect. "Come and Get It" went #6 on the Hot 100 and gave her her first #2 Top 40 Radio hit. With "Stars Dance" only a couple of weeks away, a new song titled "Love Will Remember" has leaked and it's perfection.

It's really rare for Selena's songs to leak, but, this era has been great for us. It started with "Forget Forever" (which actually made the final tracklisting, thank god!) and now we have another demo leak. 

"Love Will Remember" is probably about her on-and-off boyfriend Justin Bieber and it starts with this cute little voice mail where the guy calls her all sorts of cute things and tells her how amazing she is. I detect no lies.